There was a nutty little piece in the weekend Berliner Zeitung about Berlin’s three “mountain” peaks, all 115 metres above sea level and all on the outskirts of town: the Große Müggelberg in Köpenick, Teufelsberg in Wilmersdorf and Ahrensfelder Berge in Marzahn. The former is a 100% natural product of ice age continent-smashing and the official “highest point in Berlin”—that’s what it says in the tourist brochure. The second is arguably the most beautiful of the three—and completely artificial. It was built entirely from the rubble of WWII, true story. It’s green on top and woody at the base, offering a grand view of west Berlin, a popular site for campfire parties in the summer and once the site of America’s Cold War era observation station—David Lynch also tried to buy it a couple years ago. The latter mount, in the red-headed stepchild of Berlin districts, Marzahn, until very recently 112m, was just given a 3.5m-high viewing platform, rendering it 50cm higher than the other two.

The Teufelsberg people seem mostly bemused about the new peak, professing to not really care about being the highest, rather just keeping theirs a nice recreational area. The Köpenick tourism board, on the other hand, is just this side of hoppin’ mad, not about to rewrite their brochures that proclaim the Müggelberg as Berlin’s highest. They’ll wait for the official reckoning of an upcoming land survey, thank you very much, before they’ll accept this pesky newcomer as the champion. The Marzahn tourism board—if such a thing exists—says read it and weep. This probably wouldn’t have been such a big deal, but Berlin, a former swamp, is 95% flat. Perhaps little surprise then that its residents would fight over its more voluptuous features.

Stumble it!